SERIOUS GRAVITY (A SANITY PRIMER)

I maintain that Freud was right about us in one respect - that whatever our professed opinions might be on the surface - there is always a hidden current of thought and feeling that flows in a different direction... full of messy, inappropriate, hostile, aggressive, irascible impulses - directed outward at various outside sources of irritation and aversion. These repressed "sentiments" (I hate x, y, z...) have a way of inserting themselves into our daily train of thought,  trickling into our speech patterns, making for unexpected gaffes, over-reactions, out-of-kilter behaviors, white-lies,  double-standards... making us feel for lack of a better word, conflicted - at least on the inside, ambivalent , more susceptible to insensitivity than our otherwise liberal-progressive consciences would care to admit.....to acknowledge to this sub-current of aggression hiding in the shadows doesn't mean that our conscious opinions (of peace, love, cooperation, tolerance, urbanity, ...

When the mood comes upon you, it takes you there to that place and you see whatever you see through that lens... Think of the scene that emerges sleepily or sanguinely, with irritation, laughter, sadness, surprise or from anger...always some agenda lurking in the background...People, places, things, creatures either doing what we need them to do or not - getting in our way, making us react.. I often imagine a way of simply "being there" without any particular mood attached- sitting there,  part of the scene,  watching paint dry, watching the corn grow as it were, people-watching, not even staring, taking in all the commotion, the daily activity without hint of passing judgment...a neutral observer ....Would I lose all interest at that moment...or would another form of curiosity kick in?

What year did everything change...? When did the floodgates open? What were the changes exactly? Changes in attitude, changes in culture...,forbidden topics no longer forbidden, a shift in manners and morals... Was it because of JFK's death and the aftermath of that or before? A reaction to the cold war, the atom bomb, the H-bomb? the anxiety that was the 1950s? People gradually speaking more openly, candidly, cursing in public, reading Freud, Kinsey, Kerouac, wearing their hair longer (men) or shorter (women)? Indulging, unwinding, breaking loose from convention, rebelling against parents (the older crowd),  shedding inhibitions, breaking molds, getting rid of  hang-ups, a post-war middle-class sampling bohemian trends seeping downward from the upper classes or upward from the working classes...Was it a seed planted by the dream factory of Hollywood, a subliminal advertising ploy, the power of suggestion, collective hypnosis, mass media? Was it from articles in Cosmopolitan a...

And speaking of simple dichotomies and non-intersecting Venn diagrams...doesn't it seem that the world is divided up into two kinds of folk: those who require order and security in their lives vs. those who crave chaos and danger...the introverted first grouping under which I include myself requires more than a little "peace and quiet" along with a well-established routine whereas those in the second category cannot sit still in their own room for more than five minutes....

Middlebrow had another litmus test for me. " We're all going bowling tonight - Are you in ?" " I think I'll pass. I want to finish my origami project ..." " Ori-ga-what??? Are you talking jibberish?" "No - just one of my hobbies..." Look immediately for the furrowed brow, followed by quizzical look, following by gaping mouthful of derision. I might as well be talking backwards. " Okay - well, don't forget about that summer block-buster film next week You can find time for that at least with your busy schedule ?" " You mean the one with all the super-heroes taking on the space aliens ?" " Yeah - you're aware that this is the third sequel that everyone's been talking about - and lining up to see for months on end... " " I would go... except that there's this Schubert sonata that I've been trying to finish...I think I may finally be able to get it up to tempo..." Get ready for that ...

Vanity of vanities...all is vanity...

Today there was sunshine at least, green grass everywhere, a wounded bird that flew away from a cardboard box (true story), and one lone tick (discovered someone else's leg) that proved harmless...That's a start to "spring" around here, I guess...