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The New Rules for Writing Fiction...

  According to the new rules of fiction,  the setting of the story will be  rarified - something far asunder from your typical prime locations (London, Paris,  Rome, New York, Los Angeles, Amsterdam)...and points of view will be distributed fairly among various interlocutors... The narrator will come clean with his skewed point of view and his privileged misperceptions... or else be replaced forthwith by other narrators soon after the prologue...Thus, after too many scenes roll by there shall arise one overarching "voice of reason" to correct the perceptions of any lingering unreliable narrators....Characters will be representative of all peoples and cultures...Lesser characters shall be punished for being wealthy and short-sighted....Major characters shall make perfectly bland, enlightened conversation with one another so as not to alarm the reader or scare any horses...Traumatic scenes shall be curtailed and overshadowed by long digressions on the meaning of historical progress....A stupid, uninformed viewpoint will be satirized early on, cordoned off and placed in bold red italics throughout the story to remind the reader. Plot-lines will typically explore political topics so as to underscore the obvious evils of colonialism, imperialism, capitalism, consumerism, lookism and the emptiness of money...  For every unbearably smug suburban protagonist  - two more interesting  foil characters living in areas beset by climate change will be introduced.......The person with the blue eyes and the annoying voice with be punished by chapter 6 .... The semi-progressive and unconsciously bigoted group will receive an awakening by midway through... An educated blonde who accepts a drink from a stranger will wake up from a dream in chapter 11...There will be a party scene with every sort of cuisine and personages sitting at a long banquet table - reminiscent of a scene from an implausible "progressive" film - that you once saw on a first date - everyone laughing, singing and performing folk dances in unison...

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